Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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