Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
