I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
