Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
