so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
