Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
