Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Even my vagina gasped.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
