do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
