my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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