I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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