I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
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I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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