i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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