I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
