Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
