looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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