Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
