So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
