I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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