couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
