i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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