So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
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so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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