Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
