my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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