i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I understand Curling. That high.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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