your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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