My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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