I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
