shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
