i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
