I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
