DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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