They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
