the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize