The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
