My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
