My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
