im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
