Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
