how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
