8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
