How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
