He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
