Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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