either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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