guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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