I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
even my farts smell like vagina
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
