I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
They have beer where we have blood.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
