Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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