So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
