This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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