Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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