You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
