I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
