I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
