the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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