I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
