Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This girl is more easily done than said...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
