I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
