I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
