i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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