Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
