I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
