I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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