like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
