but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
