I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
