everyone is single if you try hard enough
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
