walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
