I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
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What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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