I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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