Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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