If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
