you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
