What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im six kinds of drunk right now
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
