he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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