i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You don't make any sense
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